the Buzz to Rest in the Divine, Not the Mind
The acceleration of energy this past year has been fairly excruciating.
I don't know how you've been experiencing it, but people are cracking
and realities are disintegrating. All that's
good in the long run, but personally I've had periods where
I felt encased in a deepsea diving suit with water filling it to the
top, then subsiding so I could breathe a little, then filling up and
subsiding, again and again, as waves of emotion overwhelmed me; and
I was pretty sure it wasn't all MY emotion! But it's getting harder
to discriminate who "owns" the emotions in the soup we're
I've heard varying explanations about why the energy
inside our bodies and in the physical world is oscillating so fast:
astrological transits and eclipses, sunspots, esoteric alignments.
I don't know what it is, but it's real. One day my energy is screwed
up to a high pitch and if I'm not super-centered, my mind races ahead,
I get frustrated, irritated, and panic can take over. Then, it calms
and I come back to an experience of being. Then, vroom, vroom, vroom!
Off we go again! One day I couldn't even remember how to meditate!
I wrote this in my blog:
few days I feel semi-flattened by something. . .it's not the world,
but an internal energy. I wrote this from within the strange state:
"I'm walking through an energy wall of electrified particles
— whatever molecules become right after they leave my body,
where they don't oscillate but scream. I take my mind in there, and
with its accustomed neat order, it is electrocuted. I, whatever I
am then, want to jump away. I spread out without focus and turn grayish
mauve. There are no defenses. The chaos in the world affects me, the
noises seem louder, the people abrasive, and in the flatness of feeling
I cannot rest. Welling up around every particle is a sad, too-tender
syrup of exhaustion.
I wonder: am I resting in
the Mind, or in God? Is the Mind my environment, my room, my air?
Please, No! Can't use Mind to escape Mind. Is surrender a technique
I must learn? I can't take another How right now. Will puts me to
sleep. Is it an injection of a sparkly radioactive serum of higher
Love spreading out and medicating me back to God? And I need to let
it work its way through, not interfering with my human doubt and aggravation?
Just tune to the vibration of the serum; stay in that, see it everywhere
inside. It takes over the Mind and there is profound relief, and after
that is the vision of perfection everywhere, and after that there
is meeting my real self, then meeting myself in each one, then there
is radiating ease about problems, laughing at separation and the idea
of difficulty. I know it's there, waiting. Choose the vibration in
the wall. It's perfect for me."
Finally, in a meditation I visualize the sparkly
light spreading through me, and enter it. In the light the particles
are oscillating at a faster pace than in the energy wall, yet it's
more harmonious and comfortable. The particle orbits are smaller.
As I stay in that frequency, the orbits of the subatomic particles
get smaller and smaller and finally disappear altogether. I am left
simply BEING in a totally continuous, transparent energy of Love.
No more particles, no more vibration, no more duality. All is complete
and incredibly peaceful. I wonder if I have just made a quantum leap,
gone with the particles out of form into another dimension where they
aren't energy anymore, but pure awareness.
If you're being challenged by the same sort of
energy-emotion-mind intensifications, know that you are probably facing
some of the core fears and oldest limiting behavior habits you have.
These probably revolve around rejection and abandonment, feeling separate
and unloved, or deeply guilty for doing something wrong that you can't
Here are some things
you might keep in mind:
• Be on alert for fatalistic, limiting declarations in your
outer conversations or inner self-talk that feed victim consciousness;
stop them midstream when you hear yourself uttering them. Just be
spacious instead for a moment until a healthier thought arises from
the true core of yourself. Break the old habit of indulging in feeling
you are bad and are about to be rejected because someone else feels
hurt, or for taking responsibility for other people's hurt. Watch
the connected thought and the underlying anxiety: that you must take
away their pain or reject them first.
• Practice observing others indulging in their own pain. Let
them do it; you will probably discover a simple way (some simple comment,
or touch) to help them move forward and through the stuckness, instead
of taking it away from them. Offer what assistance you want to offer,
because you truly love doing it. Take responsibility only for what
you can change in yourself.
• Recognize moments when you flip into accusing, judging, or
blaming: yourself or others. Suspend immediately and go soft, blank
for a moment until the pause lets you think more responsibly about
what's really best to do in those situations. What really needs to
be communicated? Form some words that speak truth without projection.
Perhaps doing this is going to bring up anxiety, which if followed,
will bring you to a blockage from earlier in your life.
• When you visit past memories:
1) Think of it as breathing into them, and exhale back into the present
moment immediately, letting your mind go soft, as though you don't
really know what any of it means yet. Let all the experiences just
BE. Do these kind of experiences belong ONLY to you? Or are they a
polarized field that many people dip into and personalize in their
2) Recognize the repeating stories. What do you get out of repeating
3) Let meaning come when it wants to. Do not overlay meaning just
because your mind is nervous and wants "closure" or definition.
• Be honest, no justifications.
• Contemplate what it really means to forgive, to repent, to
receive grace, to give grace. Then start doing it whenever you can
• When you remember, soften your heart, chest, and back; bring
oxygen into your cells; stretch out where your body physically contracts;
work the tight spots.
• Keep in mind that other people can see your excellence and
true nature. You don't have to over-represent your good traits to
compensate for things you think are bad.
• Your "boundaries" will form naturally when you are
truthful about what works for you to be your fullest self. By telling
people what works for you, you are not hurting them, but helping them
feel comfortable, because they then know how to act around you and
that relieves tension for them. Do what it takes to not confuse people
about your intentions.
• Slowly cultivate a cheerful, progressively enthusiastic attitude
toward what's possible in the future. How problems can be solved magically
in a win-win way—even though you can't think of the solution
in the moment. Everything you wanted and were interested in in your
youth (that you gave up or put on the back burner) can somehow be
included in your present reality, if you allow it.
• Commit to the discovery of the present moment, the fresh awareness
that is empowered to emerge through this opening. Simply notice what
your higher self/holy spirit part is observing. What are you bringing
to your awareness?
• Let yourself enjoy feeling loved, the way a child does. You
don't owe the person anything. Your pleasure and feeling of safety
in being loved, the light in your eyes, your smile, is reward enough
for the person doing the loving.
Please remember that we are all helping each other, that at a deep
level — as souls— we do know what we're doing, we do have
the guidance to return to our naturally enlightened state and wake
up from the dreams we're all so busily embroiled in. We can't jump
out of the frying pan, or out of the fire, since there is nothing
now BUT the purifying fire. It is our true state, and our best friend.
Work with it.