I had dinner with a friend from twenty years ago the other night, and it was fun catching up. She is a therapist and in these interim years she married and had 2 daughters—after age forty. One day one of the little girls chose to wait in the car while she ran into a store to get something. When my friend came out she said, “What were you thinking about while you were waiting?”
Her daughter said, “I wasn’t thinking, Mom.” “Well, what is not thinking like?” my friend asked. “Well. . .” the daughter paused a long moment. “Everything is in order. All the questions have their own answers. And there aren’t any more questions.”
“So how did you get into that not-thinking place?” asked my friend. “I just stare at something, and stare and stare and stare and stare until everything disappears.” On another occasion, her younger daughter suddenly asked, “Mom, what did you look like when you were in third grade?” “Why do you want to know, sweetheart?” my friend answered. “Well, I saw you when you were in third grade and I decided right then that you were the person I wanted to have as my mother.”
Today, yet another friend told me the story of 5-year-old Gabe, who came home from school a little serious-faced. His father asked him what was wrong and he said, “I’m OK, I just need a little space. I need to think about something.” “What is it?” his father probed. “Well, some girls said mean things to me today and hit me. But I’m OK, I just want to go to my room and think.”
Later, his father came back from errands and found Gabe playing happily and laughing in the family room. “I guess you figured something out, right?” his father asked. “I thought about those girls and I decided to make a hole in my heart and send alot of love over to them because they need it. And then I felt fine again!”
Wouldn’t it be great if more of our daily conversations were as pure and direct as these?!!